At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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