if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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