never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.