I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
