How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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