What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
