trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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