it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
