Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
