Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
