you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
