"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
