Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
