Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
