mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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