Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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