haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
