Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
