tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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