saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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