I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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