After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
