Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
