thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
