it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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