she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
