Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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