dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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