I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My ass is underappreciated
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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