I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize