she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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