She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
