guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
