He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
