I wish I could punch you in the face.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
