sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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