Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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