no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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