I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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