Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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