I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
