Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
