plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
