and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
