whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
