I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
