4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I can't turn off my feet"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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