Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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