marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
