She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize