True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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