Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
