I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
