Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
