Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sorry about my life...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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