dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
