I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
