i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
