you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Houston, we have a squirter
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
