We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So here I am, sexting at work.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
