I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
