Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
