Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
