Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
