I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Acid is not a monday night drug
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
