so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
