I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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