I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
