White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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