Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
