Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
