May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
