that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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