yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
