how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
