I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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