So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
