A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
