I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
