You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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